End Binary Gender Tyranny!

When i first “came out to myself” about my trans-identity, I would blatantly say things like, “i’m just a boy in the wrong body” or “i’m a guy stuck in some chick’s skin, having HER period.”

But after the first year (I began living as male in July 2009) I made many positive realizations along my journey that have morphed into what I would have to settle on as one of my favorite things about being trans.

Instead of seeing my body as “the wrong body” or “someone else’s”, I’ve been learning to own it.

You see, I realized; I’m not in the wrong body at all.

I’m in the exact body I’m SUPPOSSED to be in. For some reason, whether it be fate, God, forces of nature, or something none of us even fathom existing yet, I was BLESSED with the UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY of getting to know answers to one of the most Taboo questions that pick at even the most average of cis-gendered citizens (especially during that dreaded era of puberty):

What is a gender other than mine like?
What goes on in their heads?
What makes up their most prominent body language?
Why (or why not) am I so attracted to them?

Yes, EVERYONE’S journey is VERY different and not all of the answers we find we like, or are alike at all, and not all of them even apply.

BUT, don’t you guys think it’s pretty damn cool to get to know what its like to be female, and then be male with that knowledge? Don’t you think it influences the way we treat women after that, the unspoken bond of respect that is present between a trans guy and his girl, when he knows, deep down inside, how she feels?

We ALL have this amazing ability simmering, inside of us. This energy that pushes at us from the inside and says I WILL NOT HIDE ANY LONGER, and when we finally give in to these urges of honesty spewing up from our souls, we finally find peace in ourselves.

It shows how connected we are to each other through our shared trans-identities, even down to one of the most personal parts of my journey that I cherish.

Even though identify as male, i started female, and lived 17 years before i knew transgendered people even existed. I knew something was off from the age of 7, but never truly was able to begin to pinpoint my identity until 2009.

Because of this timing, I was given the blessing of knowing what its like to be a mom. To be called Mama and be cried for in the middle of the night. Though I wasn’t a usual case of mom-dom, I was a kickass mom, I can honestly say that. And, although the relationship with the child’s mother wasn’t the one I was supposed to be in, and it ran its course, I still am in contact with that child. And she knows I’m a boy, and she says “it’s good”.

I also had the opportunity of being in another relationship with the mother of a child, but this time it was after coming out as male and took place when I first started Testosterone. I was blessed to again be allowed to be around a beautifully gifted child, but this time she knew and looked up to me as the male that I am.

To have been a mother and a father.

How many “normal” people can say that?

In my mind, and especially because of the way i was raised, I hold parenting as one of the highest honors given on earth. To be in charge of molding a little brain to try to get the most real, loyal, honest, loving, and accepting person as the final result can seem like an overwhelming task.

But I personally see it as one of the best and most heartfelt things about identifying as trans. Sometimes, we really can have the best of both worlds, if only we view it that way.

- Adrian [Dae]