On Being Asked The Question, "whats your favorite thing about identifying as transgendered?"
When i first “came out to myself” about my trans-identity, i would blatantly say things like, “i’m just a boy in the wrong body” or “i’m a guy stuck in some chick’s skin, having HER period.”
But in this past years (I began living as male in July 2009) I have made many positive realizations along my journey that have morphed into what I would have to settle on as one of my favorite things about being trans.
Instead of seeing my body as “the wrong body” or “someone else’s”, I’ve been learning to own it.
You see, I realized; I’m not in the wrong body at all.
I’m in the exact body I’m SUPPOSSED to be in. For some reason, whether it be fate, God, forces of nature, or something none of us even fathom existing yet, I was BLESSED with the UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY of getting to know answers to one of the most Taboo questions that pick at even the most average of cis-gendered citizens (especially during that dreaded era of puberty):
What is a gender other than mine like? What goes on in their heads? What makes up their most prominent body language? Why (or why not) am I so attracted to them?
Yes, EVERYONES journey is VERY different and not all of the answers we find we like, or are alike at all, and not all of them even apply.
BUT, don’t you guys think it’s pretty damn cool to get to know what its like to be female, and then be male with that knowledge? Don’t you think it influences the way we treat women after that, the unspoken bond of respect that is present between a trans guy and his girl, when he knows, deep down inside, how she feels.
We ALL have this amazing ability simmering, inside of us. This energy that pushes at us from the inside and says I WILL NOT HIDE ANY LONGER, and when we finally give in to these urges of honesty spewing up from our souls, we finally find peace in ourselves.
It shows how connected we are to each other through our shared trans-identities, even down to one of the most personal parts of my journey that I cherish.
Even though identify as male, i started female, and lived 17 years before i knew transgendered people even existed. I knew something was off from the age of 7, but never truly was able to pinpoint my identity until 2009.
Because of this timing, I was given the blessing of knowing what its like to be a mom. To be called Mama and be cried for in the middle of the night. Though I wasn’t a usual case of mom-dom, I was a kickass mom, I can honestly say that. And, although the relationship with the child’s mother wasn’t the one i was supposed to be in, and it ran its course, I still am in contact with that child. And she knows i’m a boy, and she says “it’s good”.
And when I was with Maggie and her beautifully gifted daughter who knows and looks up to me as the man that I am, I had the realization that I have gotten to be a mother and a father.
How many “normal” people can say that?
In my mind, and especially because of the way i was raised, I hold parenting as one of the highest honors given on earth. To be in charge of molding a little mind to try to get the most real, loyal, honest, loving, and accepting as the final result can seem like an overwhelming task. I’ve had my ups and downs, as everyone has, but I’m at peace knowing that I’ve had the opportunity to affect the upbringing of two children, so someday when I have my own I’ll know how to make it work.
I personally see this as one of the best and most heartfelt things about identifying as trans; Sometimes, we really can have the best of both worlds, if only we view it that way.
Now, I am in the place I know I’m supposed to be, living my life one day at a time and accepting the challenges and blessings that come my way. I see living life not as a chore, but as an opportunity to leave this world as a better place than I found it.
i’m sorry the Daelight has lately been hazy. its not for lack of effort, i’m anything but lazy.
but inside, my heart-lantern has acquired a short - its purely my fault- i used to break hearts for sport.
perhaps my emotions have somehow been tampered with or limited, slightly, by my own empty handed grip.
i’m not sure why i feel like a robot, but that explains my unwillingness to give a little when things rock.
i’m sorry my actions of late are asshole-ish. i’m a thoroughbred dick, and i sometimes can’t control it
we all have mood swings that we rollarcoaster through. i’m sorry that sometimes i take my ride out on you.
i love you too much to see the hurt i cause in you so i avoid your eyesight till the battle is through.
but on days like today i’m too exhausted to fight. i don’t care who’s entitled or who’s wrong and who’s right. i just want to wrap up in you and breathe this mess away. safe, by your side in your love, i will stay.
so don’t fear anymore anything you can’t control because you can consider today the day that Dae changed his lightbulb.
- June’s theme: Bow ties - Bow ties will be the theme for June. Creeper and I (the queers behind this tumblr) will submit examples of photos in a couple of days to give an example of what we are looking for. I can’t wait to see what you guys will submit! & remember to have fun with this!