dae -- i remember seeing an article about you and anorexia. i'm wondering if you felt comfortable opening up about that. more specifically, how your being transgendered and in the wrong body related to your anorexia and how you overcame (or are still overcoming) that now that you are transitioning?
Well, first off, I do not relate with the phrase “born in the wrong body”. I feel I was put in the body I was put in to strengthen my character and to really learn what masculinity means because I’ve had to construct mine from the ground up. My vagina is not a threat to my masculinity. With that being said, the womanly curves that came with the weight gain for my body type DID pose a threat to me for most of my childhood and young adult life.
As I rounded my late teens, entered my 20’s, and began to really understand my gender identity, I started to see that my desire to be perceived as a ‘twinky boy’, was really making me look sickly and was not benefitting my health or body at all.
I decided to see a therapist who worked with people who had body image issues, she specialized in eating disorders, but I figured that her coming from that kind of background could help with both my eating/weight issues, and my gender discovery. I was right. She was very open and accepting, even though I was her first FTM patient, and she really helped me see my issues with eating; which I will try and explain now.
My ‘anorexia’ was really more of an OCD ritual wrapped around food. My issues would begin every morning, with my stomach so empty I could barely climb stairs. I would go to the kitchen, if it was dirty at all, anywhere, it would consume me and I could not prepare food until the mess was gone. If I was famished (which was usual) I wouldn’t have the energy to clean, so I would either not eat at all, or eat a small amount of junk, just enough to feel something in my stomach. This reduced the size of my stomach to a very small size and helped me stay 90lbs.
I had never been above 95 lbs. Now, at 22 years old, I am celebrating hitting 115, a number that 2 years ago would’ve made me crazy. It has been a long, slow process. Involving a lot of will power, support, and a weekly dose of testosterone. My appetite increase with HRT has really been the biggest help, along with just FEELING more male because I can SEE the results ON MY MALE BODY.
You are soooo hawt! Like fire on fire!!!1! I want to feel all over yer butt while you dance fir me to the "MY JEanS" song and let you slerp whip cream of my flerp when I herp ma derp all over yourt kitchen. Yeah boyyyyyy.
“[Hating America] would be as silly as loving it,” I said. “It’s impossible for me to get emotional about it, because real estate doesn’t interest me. It’s no doubt a great flaw in my personality, but I can’t think in terms of boundaries. Those imaginary lines are as unreal to me as elves and pixies. I can’t believe that they mark the end or the beginning of anything of real concern to the human soul. Virtues and vices, pleasures and pains cross boundaries at will.”—Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night (via loveyourchaos)
what age did you realize that your body wasn't what you identified with?
I don’t know the exact age, it was probably about 7 or 8, but I do know it was about the time my body decided to start growing boobs. I felt betrayed. It was my body, I felt like I should be able to decide when (if ever) I wanted them to appear. Thus began a terrifying journey into not understanding my body for many years.
Once I realized being a lesbian was an option to act on my affections for women, I began to identify with that label (around 14-15 years old). But it took meeting many trans-people, growing up a lot, and understanding my own feelings before I could accept the fact that I was male (age 20).
I will never be one to say I was ‘born in the wrong body’. I know that I was a man born into a female body for many reasons. I know that my particular situation is one that can cause a lot of good, especially considering the amount of opposition and struggle that comes with the territory.
I am a spirit living a human existence. As long as I keep that in the back of my head, sometimes all of this body stuff seems just petty and silly.
A few people said that they would like to donate to help me raise money to buy my first vial of Testosterone, so I created a page (linked via title). Figured that since people are willing to donate their hard earned money my way, I owe an explanation as to what this is all about. Skipping past the whole discovery of my gender identity thing though.
Since September 2010, I’ve been slowly working on my social and medical transition from female to male. Here is a short timeline of events:
September 16, 2010: Legally changed name
February 8, 2011: Approved by therapist to begin HRT
February 25, 2011: Approved by physician to begin HRT
Unfortunately, since I am also paying my way through college with no assistance, and I used a lot of my spare funds to pay for therapy sessions and doctor’s appointments, funds are fairly tight.
Thus, I’m asking for help. Whether people donate a quarter or ten dollars, it will be greatly appreciated. I would really love to begin hormones before or on my 20th birthday (March 25). If I raise more money than needed, I plan on donating it someone else who needs help with their transition.
Feel free to reblog this post as you see fit, and if anyone has questions I’m more than willing to answer (most of) them. Just ask.
Warning: A small bit of self-promotion is about to occur.
I (Shaan, the admin of Transpride) am trying to raise $90 to purchase my first vial of testosterone from Strohecker’s Pharmacy. Since the fundraiser began on Monday, $72 has been raised.
I understand that many people are struggling just like I am, which is why I’m not begging that everyone donates to my cause. But I’m hoping there are a few more people who can donate a dollar two to help me reach my goal!
Exodus International openly admits that they believe people can be “freed” from homosexuality through the “power of Jesus Christ” and through the practice of “ex-gay therapy.” They believe that LGBT people can have their brains rewired, and have their sexual orientations turned from gay to straight. They use scare tactics — suggesting that homosexuality will lead to death and personal decay — as well as misinformation about the LGBT community in order to promote the “ex-gay” agenda.
Oh, and their work? It has also been universally and emphatically condemned by every major medical and scientific organization. Indeed, the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, and the American Counseling Association have all said that the “conversion therapy” that Exodus promotes for LGBT people is severely damaging to self-esteem and mental health, and could have catastrophic consequences for those who are forced to experience it.
Among them include Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN — and yes, that Pat Robertson who suggested that Haiti deserved the January 2010 earthquake because of its lack of a Christian identity). It’s no surprise that CBN is pretty sympathetic to Exodus’ claim, given that Robertson and his network have previously suggested that LGBT people and feminists were to blame for 9/11. Fringe elements tend to attract fringe elements.
But the interview is interesting nonetheless, because it features Jeff Buchanan, a staff member of Exodus International, openly saying that the group wants to use the Apple and iTunes platform to reach youth who are “struggling” with their sexuality. Exodus wants to reach these youth in order to turn them away from homosexuality, and “convert” them to heterosexuality.
Does Apple really want to be the vehicle that allows this to happen?
“What we’re wanting is simply the right and opportunity to be able to have …equal representation on the iTunes platform within Apple to represent our biblical worldview of heterosexuality,” said Buchanan. “We’re simply wanting to communicate the message of Jesus and the message of Christ, and help the Church to become equipped to be able to redemptively respond to [homosexuality].”
You hear that Apple? They’re using your platform to reach LGBT kids, to tell them that there’s no room for homosexuality in the world, and to “respond” to homosexuality with “conversion” and dangerous “ex-gay therapy” that has been widely debunked all throughout the world. Why allow them to do this?
You’ve also got to love how Buchanan uses this segment on CBN to talk about concepts like “diversity,” and how gay rights activists are trying to silence the voice of “ex-gay” believers by nixing this iPhone app. Two immediate responses: one, Apple has editorial standards for all iPhone apps, and it’s perfectly within Apple’s right to reject something that is fundamentally offensive to Apple’s identity and brand. If promotion of “ex-gay” therapy doesn’t meet that bar, I don’t know what does.
But second, we’re talking about an organization here in Exodus who practices and promotes “conversion therapy” that has been deemed harmful, damaging, and unethical by every major psychological and medical organization. Promoting their ideas and concepts is nothing short of promoting bad science. Diversity is great. Promoting bad science that psychologically wounds its victims is not.